24-year-old Ganti Sriharsha, who identifies as gay and is on a journey of spirituality, says “The pandemic was cruel; it wrecked me because I couldn't hold on to my spiritual ideals. I was constantly touch-deprived and it made me feel human to an extent where I would hold onto a blanket and cry. I wondered if in the pursuit of something intangible, am I missing out on the beauty of life and touch?” He went on to question his pride which denied him the needs of his body.   

Yes, other Pandemics have been cruel too, but maybe not as much as COVID has, because the only way to recover is to be in complete isolation, which is not very different from solitary confinement, the cruelest punishment even for those in prison. While people are still managing being physically isolated, it is uncertainty and fear that is getting to them most. Even the ones who haven’t had the virus, have been pushed into isolation and introspection, which brought up years of repressed emotions that are questioning their pre-existing thoughts, ideals and choices. 

55-year-old Lalit Kalyani who tested positive for COVID and was hospitalized, shares, “I was alone throughout, my food and medicines were dropped at the door, even the doctors were all geared up and would see me from afar. COVID made us treat each other as if we are untouchables, pehle sirf suna tha, abhi mehsoos kar ke dekh liya (we had only heard about it earlier, but we experienced how it feels now).”

During the lockdown, if you were already touch-deprived, it didn’t really make a difference. But, if you were someone who was outgoing or expressive, and it suddenly got taken away, you lost your safe spaces and your mental health was affected because you felt alone or isolated.

25-year-old Nidhi Wadhwa, who has a very complicated relationship with touch says, “I was sexually assaulted numerous times. I’ve gone through a lot of hurt in my relationships.” She discloses that the idea of touch is something that comforts her but her past experiences make it difficult to deal with physically. She says, “Therapy really helped me. I'm learning to accept my body and desires. We're also so ashamed of admitting that we could want someone”. Talking about her pets, she says, “You know, I have a dog and a cat, and my dog constantly needs touch and attention. My cat, however, doesn’t care; she either wants nothing or everything. So, my Therapist said, “A lot of people want to be like cats, but they are dogs. And it's okay to be a dog.”” 

Promila D’Silva, a 43-year-old disabled working woman, also on the same journey of acceptance of her needs and desires says, “ I do not have a social life so to speak, it's just me and my folks. I like to hug, I would make sure to do that whenever and wherever possible. But last year crushed me completely in terms of my personal & physical needs. I miss my group of office friends whom I would hug every day; I miss meeting people outside of my inner circle.”

With the Pandemic came the problem of accessibility, because, like all other essentials, even touch was not very readily available or worse, safe. However, because touch is so flexible in terms of where you can seek it and with whom, people have found ways to get what they want. From pets to pillows and colleagues to strangers, there is someone or something for all. Having said that, there is no replacement for what we most typically associate it with - romantic relationships. Yes, intimacy, touch and connection are critical to the success of a relationship; but touch requires one to act, with intent, every single day intimacy and connection become stronger with time and effort. So, irrespective of how long you have been with someone, you have to do what it takes to make your partner feel wanted, loved and cared for, physically and emotionally.